lost

sitting here like a confused rat.

my mind is pacing back and forth.
I've run out of luck,
I've been challenged and I can't
maneuver myself out of this one.
not anymore, I say.

the chess pieces are against me,
I've played a bad hand,
I've messed up a solo.

what to do what to do.

my pain is out to get me and
now I'm being threatened with my job.
what more to lose?

I can't get out of this trapped cage.
the bars sink into my skin and come out of the other side.
they've grown to be a part of me.

this is where I am about to lose, where it has all begun to catch up to me.
what bad karma, what I have done.
does bad karma reward with good karma?

I am confused. I can not scuttle. I can not feel. I can not write.
I write senseless and plain thoughts.
no meaning
nothing.
no sense to be made.
my confidence is drained,
it's been very low anyway.

oh sweet love, why wont you find me
wealth
beauty
and luck.