115

driving 115
DRUNK
on the highway
and
I wonder if the
Red and Blue's
will
find me
or if I will
be another
suicide drunk

(which
that matters
less than
nothing)

115
drunk and
alone with the world
and the radio and Vivalvi and
this poetic madness
-ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? lol

can you feel the crushed
birds
in my hands?

the sail boat
in the ocean?

the sail boat on fire?

can you feel the guts of the
universe
in your hands
of this
heart
I call my own?

now I UNDERSTAND
Vivaldi
now I UNDERSTAND
Bukowski
now I UNDERSTAND
Dostovevsky

the world is
NULL
and you brought forth
the gift
to beset us from
our unordinary lives and our
unordinary ills
as a way
of
ENDURING

I now
UNDERSTAND
that
death is not
the tragedy
but the gift,

that she will find a lover
like a flower,
and I that I will
wilt
like a rose
with it's
thorns

will I find a ledge
off this lane?

I will endure
simply to endure
because
there is nothing else
for me to do

I will forget and
unfold
this phone number in
my wallet from some
blonde 
named Sarah,

Fuck it.
Fuck Sarah.

I throw her number
out the window...

the San Diego Police Department
is another problem...